Bizarro Social Media Land

Man holding elephant (Digital Composite)Imagine for a moment Bizarro Social Media land.  If the folks who dreamt up Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. had taken that alluring left turn instead of going straight on with their vision and concocted (or Cogcocted) something entirely different than the fertile playgrounds, erm – rather platforms, we’ve got today.

Under these horribly delicious and highly inconceivable conditions we might have ended up with sites like…

  • LockedOut: Rather than connecting you with classmates and fellow alum from former workplaces, instead LockedOut allows you, with proper permissions, consents and privacy settings of course, to have your address book entires – current and future – deleted from the contacts of those you don’t really want contacting.  Your roommate from college who never paid the last month’s rent – you never have to see his consulting firm’s pitch.  That guy, you know the one, from high school – the one that’s got an idea for the next big and always hits you up for an investment – you’re basically nonexistent to him.
  • SexSquare: You don’t really care where you friends eat, drink, and have long walks in the park.  What you want to know is the prime spots in your community to avoid being arrested for indecent exposure or having a coitus interruptus moment during a romantic interlude on a park bench, restaurant restroom, or under the oak tree in the park.

“Since you’re at Nevada Jack’s try the third stall on the right – it’s always the cleanest”

  • FrenemyBook: All the people you actually care about you’ve kept in touch with (so a total of about 5).  On FrenemyBook you get to check out the pics of all the people you never really liked, but imagine you might now if you lived in the same town (which thank god you don’t as you got out of that hickville as soon as you could buy a Greyhound ticket).  While showing the pics to your colleagues at work (who plan to add to your LockedOut profile as soon as you change jobs), you’re required (as in you’ll lose your membership if you don’t) mock the pics of their kids.  Meanwhile you know full well they’re doing the same thing.

And of course…

  • Twit-ter: People you know really well, or in some cases, not at all go online and send out their thoughts in 140-character bursts.  Here, however, everyone’s a twit.  Hmmm, maybe we’re not that far from bizarro land on this one 😉

Disclaimer: I haven’t the foggiest idea if anyone actually owns any of these names as Trademarks or other forms of intellectual property – if you do, sorry.

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