Dreaded Auto-DM #Fails

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Two people balancing on envelopes; letters flying between themWe’ve all gotten them – those dreaded auto direct messages – Those automatically generated messages that you get as soon as you follow a new person on Twitter.  I am guilty of having used them for about a week around 18 months ago, until I realized it was a pretty crappy way to interact and didn’t actually save me any time or anything else.

Yet, no matter how much we all complain about them they seem inescapable.  Hoping to cast a spotlight on this wretched behaviour I’ve compiled, with the help of some friends, some of the most rude, bizarre, and simply unexplainable auto-dms we’ve received — all neatly categorized for your reading pleasure…with the occasional editorial comment from me…

Sales or Traffic

  • Thanks for the follow! I provide widgets for businesses of all kinds. I’m looking forward to your tweets! – Ummm, Thanks…I’ve never needed this kind of product and probably never will, but good call!
  • Thanks for following a widget maker, I will follow you too {Link to widget site (not PR related)} – I actually followed for some other reason…though it truly escapes me now – unfollow post haste.
  • Hey you – thanks thanks for following! For inspiration check out my tickler file of case studies – {Link} – Hey you, just because I’m following you on Twitter doesn’t mean I trust you with…well, anything…
  • Thanks for following Widget Co. — “Where Widgets & Tidgets Come To Meet” – info & upcoming events at {Link} – I happened to be interested in neither Widgets nor Tidgets.  Oh well, it was short, and not so  fun while it lasted…
  • Thanks for following! Widget Co. is the local expert for coupons and deals in the New York area. You will now receive our coupon – Not that I’m torn up about it, but the I never received the coupon – shucks.  #Fail and #DoubleFail
  • Twitter is great! 10 Tips to build brand excitement {Link} – Yes, you’re right on the first part, but keep your 10 tips to yourself.

Simply Unusual

  • Encantada!!! Gracias por el follow, yo tambien seguire tus tweets. Thanks for follow, i will follow you too – Thanks. Dos looks at my profile and you’d see I don’t speak Spanish. Adios.
  • Thanks for the follow. I look forward to listening to all you have to say. Have a great day, and blessing to all. – You look forward to listening to all I’ve got to say.  Have a seat, we’ll be here a while…
  • Tweet that you’re #NowPlaying “Widget Song” by Wi Dget and you’ll get featured on {Link to a site I’d never want to be on} – wtf?  No really – wtf?
  • Wid Get is a social media rock star who values engagement. Thanks for following. - Comment from the submitter on this one – “Really? You value engagement so much, you send an auto DM? Bye.”  Well said submitter. :)

Somewhat Rude

  • Thanks for following me-hope you find my Tweets useful + entertaining. If I dig what your Tweeting, I’ll follow back :)Wow, or you could just take a look now and not bother with this dm.  You’ll get my hopes up you that you’ll follow me if you dig my stuff you horrible horrible person. :~( Pshh.  And no, your smiley does not make it all better.  And yes, your use of the wrong form of your/you’re makes it worse.
  • Thanks for the follow. Yes, this is a automated message, in case you were curious! I look forward to connecting w/you live.  See you online. – Uhhhh.  Thanks.  I feel so…special you’d trust me with that info…I think..
  • Thanks for following my up-and-coming career. I plan on being a star and you’re along for the ride.- Comment again included by submitter – “I immediately unfollowed, then threw up in my mouth a little.”  Bravo submitter, the air sickness bags are in the pouches in the seat rear immediately in front of you.
  • Widget uses TrueTwit validation service. Please follow this link to validate your profile. {Link} Thanks. – Wow, Widget apparently thinks they’re waaaaay more important than they are.  G’night Widget.

Pull over: Moving too fast

  • Thanks for the follow. Look forward to sharing PR insights. I’d value your critique of the new Widget website {Link} – You’ve never met me, I could mix stripes and polka dots and you want me opinion on your site?  Well golly Mister, glad you’ve got such high standards.
  • Are you on Facebook? I’d like the opportunity to connect with you on there as well. – Hey now, I think you’re taking things a little quickly there buddy.  Just because I’ll listen to your 140 character rants doesn’t really mean I need to see your baby pics, baby’s pics or want you looking at mine.  You do top the creepy scale with a solid 9.7 out of 10.

And this one, while not a dm, does top the list of odd bots on Twitter – from a recent #beer-tagged tweet of a peer, this reply was received within minutes..

  • Do you know @Widget that you can rate beers on hashtag #Widget? Check out {Link} – Wow, really just wow..

Special Thanks to Lauren Tate SnyderJason Mollica, Mariam Shahab, and Chris Stearns for their submissions and assistance.

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