Here are some closing lines that I can’t stand and my interpretations of them:
Cheers – Well I don’t know about you, but there isn’t any Bailey’s Irish Cream in my coffee this morning. By the way, thanks for getting my after work drink in my head at 9 am. Are you even from England? Cheerio, yo.
God Bless – Unless you’re writing for the Chattanooga Christian Family Magazine, there is no reason to ever write this to someone. Thanks for rejecting my pitch, but it’s okay! God will forgive you.
Best Wishes – What is it, my birthday? I really appreciate the thought, but my birthday is September 10th [Editor’s Note: That’s in a few days folks…be sure to wish CT the ‘Best Wishes’]. Are you being sarcastic and really don’t want to wish me a Happy Birthday? Best wishes to you on finding another closing line.
Warm(est) Regards – Warm? Seriously? Am I not good enough for Hot Regards? You can only give me a moderately cooked regards? People, I like my apple pie warm and a la mode style, but not my regards. Gee, thanks for using the half-way adjective when e-mailing me. You could have at least heated my regards all the way. Are you trying to make me all cozy inside and ‘warm’ up to you?
Deepest Sympathies – Wow, thanks for making me think of my dead family member while you were rejecting my e-mail to you. Apparently rejecting an e-mail requires the same responses that are used to convey the message that your lover is dead and was hit by the NJTransit train.
K? – Can you be any more of a snot? I got the message, and your attitude is definitely not appreciated after I just read through your junk that you sent me. Take your K? and shove it.
Queries! – No shit, Sherlock.
As for me, I usually stick to a simple ‘Best’. I’ll let you decide what word you want to add into the mix, whether it be ‘Best Thanks’, ‘Best Regards’, ‘Best Fun’, etc. Every single closing line can be interpreted the wrong way, except for one.
However, someday I will use this line with every e-mail that I send – ‘May the Force Be With You…’
Share the lines you use, and I would love to hear ones that you hate!