Dear Twitter….

Dear Twitter,

I am writing you this letter because I have noticed our relationship has changed in the year plus we’ve been together. When we first met, it was exciting and fun getting to know each other. We shared jokes, discussed interesting topics, met mutual friends and even kept each other in the loop about music. Those were the days!

Then month by month, our relationship began to change. I know it’s not all you, some of it is me. I think it took a turn off the deep end when we started working together. Rather than see each other at night or during our lunchtime at work, now we are around each other every single day. It’s getting to be a bit much.

There are a few other things I think we need to just lay out there on the table.

One is the fact that you are turning into a slut. More and more of your slutty friends keep following me and wanting to send me naked pictures – it’s making me really uncomfortable. I know you are quite busy – but can’t you figure out how to stop nude avatars from showing up every day?

Another is you are becoming a whore. I understand that we aren’t in a mutually exclusive relationship, I get that. However, now there are people out there using you to make money. They put ads on you, sell you, violate you – and not only that, the fact is that it is flaunted in my face every day. Do you really need THAT many pimps?

I also think you should reexamine these pseudo-affairs you are having with “celebrities.” Part of being in a healthy relationship is that both parties in a relationship are involved. They talk to each other, share, communicate. These celebrities are merely using you for their own self-interest.

I know this is tough to hear, but they don’t actually care about you. Do you really think you have an honest to goodness solid foundation for a happy marriage with Ashton Kutcher, Oprah, Demi Moore, Larry King? All you are to them is a topic on their talk shows, blogs, newspaper articles, etc.

Now that I am sharing you with millions and millions of others, it’s starting to stress me out. I used to be okay splitting our time together with millions of people; you know I have never been the jealous type. Yet, I used to be able to be myself when I was around you, I was totally comfortable, engaging – it was bliss! Now more and more people are getting in the way. Not only that, all of your ‘lovers’ are putting pressure on me to be “more interesting,” to always be witty. I am starting to lose myself, to lose the personality traits that make me – me!

I’m not sure where we are headed Twitter. We work together, so I know “taking a break” isn’t a possibility. What’s the answer? I can only hope that we continue to build at least our professional relationship and maybe one day – all of these sluts, pimps, celebrities or casual abusers – will disappear. Will it ever be the same? Doubtful, but I think I will still hold out hope that one day, we will be able to mend our differences and come out of this relationship united, and stronger than ever before.

All my best,