Dear Oprah,

I’m new to this game, and I don’t work with consumer clients, so I don’t fully understand the pain that you inflict on flacks like us. Really, all that I know about you is that you have a questionable relationship with your best friend Gail and that you make my mom cry when she watches your show. However, come 2011, I’ll be celebrating with PR pros everywhere as your show goes off the air because it makes my friends lives that much easier. Catch ya on Perez I’m sure! (the next time one of your schools hires a convicted pedophile as their headmaster.

Love,
Jess